Words and Only Words I Know.....

My fellow blogger, Thanh, from Australia, joked in one of his articles that if he wants to become famous, he must sweat.....no.... swear like Xiaxue as evidenced in her blog of expletives. But then Thanh said it was not him to use vulgarities in his language. Another blogger, Girl Kae, from Perth was amazed Xiaxue could have 20,000 hits for her blog full of photos of herself and angmoh boyfriend. What do readers actually read and gain from her blog? Should our readers rate so high an entry full of frivolous comments and narration of mundane daily happenings?
Worse, Stomp has roped Xiaxue in as a star blogger. By doing that, Stomp implies that Stomp approves of a writer who uses vulgar language as freely as eggs for fried rice. If Professor Higgins were alive, he would be raving mad about Singaporeans' "murder of the English tongue"!

I mentioned to my Australian bloggers that in our little country, the herd mentality is very strong. As a property agent I am very amused. When property prices are really low, some buyers still dare not buy because it is a quiet market, and nobody is buying. However, once the market picks up, everyone jumps into the bandwagon, and this is why in Singapore the property market heats up so fast. I am now trying to market a property which is quite difficult to sell because of the location, mixed usage, a walk up without lifts, etc. I asked my clients why they bought the property and the answer was "All the ones in downtown Orchard were so expensive and this one was about the cheapest then... with prices going up, we felt we had to buy something".

Amu, my ex-employee at Rialto, recently complained to me, "Choo, now my English is getting from bad to worse. The current chef, David, speaks terrible English and I find I am beginning to speak like him". I smiled and I knew Amu was not exaggerating. Language is such that a person who is linguistically sensitive is prone to absorbing what she hears. I remember when I went to England for a two months' holiday when I was studying in Canada. Upon my return, I was surprised when friends commented on my British accent, which I had unconsciously picked up. After a while, my accent resumed to normal. This is why I am somewhat baffled when I hear some Singaporeans speaking with an American or British accent even after they have been home in Singapore for two to three years!!!

Amu is illiterate, yet she speaks standard English and often fools people into thinking she has at least an "O" level in English. She performs so well in her assembly work in the factory that others cannot believe she does not know how to read or write! During the 4 years that she was with me, I trained her to make pizzas, desserts and appetisers. From $5 an hour, she is now paid $7 an hour. I told Amu I would be happiest if only the young bloggers in Tomorrow.Sg understand this point. I have attempted many times to persuade them not to purposely write words and sentences like "I is a Singaporean ....... or prease exprain yourself...." etc. This is not Singlish, which is still acceptable and charming in its own way, this is language of the worst kind which I think, even an ET from outer space would not use!! Of course, I got bombarded by writers who said, "No wonder! Old aunty is really an old aunty.... etc. etc."

I smiled. I had made my point. I am definitely glad I had the foresight to leave teaching English and Literature in secondary school 12 years ago, before blogging came into vogue, and worse still, bloggers came up with a language that is neither English nor Singlish. Please do not mistake me for being pro-PAP. I fight for good English for the love of language, just as I fought for Ike See for the love of music. Someone said you have to learn the rules very well so that you can break them nicely. The tragedy is that our youngsters have not even mastered the rules of the English language, and take so much "plide in yusing it".

Even if I had rotten eggs being flung at me right now, I would still say it. Fellow Singaporeans, please read more extensively and widen your horizons. For those of you who aspire to represent our country in beauty pageants, please read voraciously and join some public speaking groups like the Toast Masters Clubs which will give you exposure and practice, so that despite all your tertiary education, spectators will not mistake you for bimbos from the answers you give. Parents, please encourage your children to develop a love for reading from youth.

For bloggers, please emulate our great bloggers like Mr. Wang, Mr. Brown, Mr. Goh Meng Seng, Cobalt Paladin and Gayle Goh, just to name a few. Remember, words are powerful. Words can heal...words can also kill. Without a shadow of doubt, words reflect the person who utters them.

Gan Chau

Why is China still so .........

I had a shock when a friend sent me this email. Seeing is believing! Is this the way the Chinese treat their people with death sentences? How inhuman! Makes me feel ashamed to be a Chinese! Is this the reason why Lu Hsun wrote "The True Story of Ah Q and the New Year Sacrifice?"

















I remember my visit to China in 1981. While the train was at Nanjing, I saw a sight which still haunts me to this day. Out of the windows of the train, I saw an elderly man trying to push a cartful of some 40 boxes of Toshiba television. He was obviously struggling with the excess weight and slight slope. Looking on were some younger men who definetely looked stronger than the elderly men. They stood watching with arms folded. Yet not one person lifted a finger to help the poor old man. I put my head out of the window and yelled in Mandarin, "Can you all please help the old man!" Finally two men reluctantly helped to push the cart up the slope.

Suddenly Ah Q came to life as fresh understanding of Lu Hsun's master piece dawned upon me. My heart was heavy as I thought of how China had achieved a first in so many areas..... Aren't the Chinese the first to discover gun powder, making of silk products, papers, etc. etc. Yet, look at how backward China is still today!! Why can't China emulate the good examples from other nations?

Bo Yang must have written his book, "The Ugly China Man" with a heavy heart. Sigh...

Gan Chau

The world's a stage .....I have a good role

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the wall over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle.

But it is not only that Mum, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want.

In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Judith.

P.S.: Mum, it's not true. I'm at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in the desk drawer.

I smiled when I read the above joke sent by "Send it out Newsletter". It reminded me of the time when I brought back my report book after the first term in Secondary One. I had red ink for all 6 subjects, with blue ink only for English and Art. I had expected papa to be angry and flabbergasted, for in the past, I had scored high marks in most of my subjects, except for Arithmetic and Science, which hovered around 55 marks. Instead he just looked at the report book, and in a gentle and soft voice he said, "My precious child, I'm sure you can do better than this in your next exam". I burst into tears.

I had expected papa to be shocked and frustrated, but his understanding and gentleness broke me. Papa had never reprimanded or used the cane on any of his children. He always prefered to reason with us and in this way, he earned our love and respect for him. We wanted to please him and make him happy. I told papa that actually the students and I knew most of the answers to the questions, but we were somewhat confused when the instructions said, "Write briefly on the following". Hence we wrote as briefly as we could, not realising we should write more adequately! I was in the "A" class; yet for that term all my classmates and I had to bring home report books filled with red ink!! We had just entered secondary school in Form One in Green Lane Convent, a good Catholic school for girls in Penang. What a difference from Primary Six!

The following term, my classmates and I brought back report books with blue ink! I really thank God I had such a wonderful papa who had never pressurised me to do well in class. Papa made reading and learning fun by often telling his children stories he had read in his Chinese classics. He encouraged me to read and write. Although he was educated in Chinese and hence had a weaker level of English, he was determined to learn some English so that he could understand when I read my essays to him. Once we had our morning walk, and he said, "Choo, listen to papa's speech which I'm going to make tonight at the club. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Green Parrot Club. Tonight we have the famous singer from Taiwan, Miss Yeow Su Rong....." I was thrilled when I helped papa to improve some of his pronunciation.

Papa often reminded us that if something is worth doing, it is worth doing well... even if it is a simple chore of sweeping the floor. Though we are never rich, I always feel endowed and contented to have inherited papa's legacy of love and rich philosophies of life. The world's a stage and I have grown up a happy and contented child. The confidence and strength that papa has given me will enable me to continue to be resilient in the face of trials and adversities.

Gan Chau

A very touching but uplifting story

I am generally a happy, cheerful, and optimistic person. However, once in a while, as is normal for all human beings, I get weighed down by pressures and helplessness in me when I see things that I don't quite like or feel are unfair. Yet there is nothing much I can do to alter things or situations. Hence once in a while when I read articles like the one below, I get uplifted. It certainly reminds me of the saying, "I complained I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet". I would like to share about a wonderful father-son relationship with readers. Hopefully, your spirit will be uplifted even as the touching story brings a tear to your eyes. Remember to watch the video. Log on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryCTIigaloQ&NR

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.

This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs. "He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;" Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an institution."

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. "No way," Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain."

"Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!" And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that."

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks." That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!"

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon. "No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then they found a way to get into the race officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?"

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the
time.

"No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century."

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago."

So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.

"The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once."

Gan Chau

Are We Really What We Eat?

It all started with a fellow bloger, Thanh who is a Vietnamese from Australia. He is a foodist and suggested that we all come up with a food blog. Currently contributors come from Singapore, UK and Australia. Food, like music, is an international language that the world understands. Regardless of race, language or religion, every two legged being understands the meaning of good, tasty food.

Hence the birth of the blog, "I Eat Therefore I Am". But then are we really what we eat? I am sure you will know of someone who eats literally non-stop but remains thin as a bamboo pole, or someone who hardly eats, but who appears bloated or well-upholstered most of the time! My brother told me that one of his classmates, a Chinese lady from Malaysia, had an appetite for eight people! Her dinner would usually consist of a pot of rice, a pot of soup, a whole chicken and a huge plate of vegetables. She would finish one big watermelon on her own. Yet she weighed only 48kg!!!

As for me, all these years I have become fat not from eating but from laughing!! How can I possibly remain slim when I am being constantly inflated with the healthy air of laughter with the jokes and mimics made by my family members? Buffets are out for me, because I would become full very fast after trying a few dishes. I would look on enviously on the plates of my friends who seem to have bottomless pits!!

So fellow readers, do log in our new blog, http://ieatthereforeiam.blogspot.com You will enjoy mouth watering menus and recipes from across the globe. I have also posted my famous char koay teow recipe which is somewhat modified to suit the taste of Singaporeans - hence it is 95% Penang style and 5% Singaporean style. After all, a good cook must be one who is sensitive to the tastebuds and preference of his guests!!

Thanh, who is also a computer expert, has often helped me with the computer. I have promised to cook him a storm when he comes avisiting in Singapore!!! Scary....cooking for a foodist!!! His standard of food rating is very high! Help!

Ganchau

To Buy or Not to Buy

My computer monitor which I bought for $50/- did not last me more than 2 months when it broke down again. I happened to mention to an old friend I met and she excitedly told me that she had one monitor that she wanted to give away. My friend, Anne, was so nice and even helped me to carry the monitor down to the taxi. On reaching home, the taxi driver kindly helped me to carry the monitor to the lift of my apartment.
Sad to say, my computer died an early death..... it showed symptoms of sickness when the prints on the monitor became quite blurred. I typed without being able to read what I had typed!! This is why I stopped writing on my blog.

At my client's apartment, I borrowed his computer to check my email while he was having a short discussion with his partner. Dr. Clive proudly told me that he bought the new computer monitor for only $150/- on the 5th floor of Sim Lim Square. Hence I went to Sim Lim Square but could not find the one that Dr. Clive recommended. However, I found a shop selling used computers for only $30/- each. I was also surprised that they have new LCD computers selling at about $265/- I was debating whether to buy the one costing $30/- or the one costing $265/-. I had won my whole computer set in a lucky draw, and since I am not good at working on the computer, I do not want to spend lots of money on it.

The excellent sales representative was quite persuasive when he mentioned that the new LCD monitor would help me to be less tired when reading the screen and that it saves time and electrical consumption. Also my university buddy, Richard, reminded me not to be "stingy" and coerced me to "break the piggy bank". The new monitor was also more compact and packed in a nice and easy to carry box. While I was not able to carry the old monitor, I was able to carry the new one with ease, and even managed to take a bus instead of a taxi.

I agree I always get tired after working on the computer for 30 minutes. Now I am enjoying myself reading comfortably. The prints are so big and clear that even a visually impaired person can read easily!

I guess I take after my papa who often found it easier to buy things for others than to splurge on himself.

Hence with my new big screen, I will continue to blog faithfully, making it worth my while to spend $265/- on a new screen!!

Funny Things About Singaporeans

Subject: Funny Things About Singaporeans

1. Thanks to SMS, you have an extra large thumb.

2. Tks 2 SMS, u oso dun no how 2 spel anymor.

3. You pat bus seats and even MRT seats to cool them before you sit

down.

4. At lunch, you start discussing what to eat for dinner.

5. Your wedding photos include shots of you dressed up like Louis

XIV,

6. When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an

accent.

7. You don't know 3/4 of the people attending your wedding.

8. You separate food into 2 basic groups: 'heaty' and 'cooling'.

9. You have kids for the tax advantages.

10. You move to where you want your child to go to school.

11. You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but

pray they won't wind up in Arts later on.

12. You suddenly realize you're very interested in biotech - just

like you suddenly realized three years ago that you were very interested

in e-commerce, and before that, engineering, and before that, medicine

and law

13. You think people are inconsiderate when they don't leave their

table immediately after eating at the food court but think you have every

right to take 25 bites to finish the last red bean in your ice

kachang.

14. You find it impossible to make suggestions without drawing a

fishbone chart first.

15. If you're a guy, whenever you get together with your guy

friends, you invariably trade army stories.

16. You've eaten more times at the Esplanade than you've actually

seen shows there.

17. You need campaigns to tell you how to be courteous, to flush

toilets, have sex, etc.

18. You always feel oddly hungry at 11 pm, and are willing to drive

to far away places for supper.

19. You work at McDonald's when you're old rather than young.

20. You'll gladly spend $50,000 on a car, but will go to great

lengths to save a few bucks on ERP charges or even a few cents on a parking

coupon.

21. If you're pregnant, you have the strange ability to make people

on the MRT fall asleep instantly.

22. You've started referring to foreign employees as 'talent'

instead of 'expatriates'.

23. At the dinner table, you're always discussing which other food

places serve better versions of what you're eating.

24. You copy down licence plate numbers of cars involved in

accidents.

25. You think your boyfriend doesn't really love you unless he

gives you part of his liver.

26. You pronounce the letter 'R' as 'ah-rer' and the letter 'H' as

'haytch'.

27. You believe that you can generate 'creativity' through rules

and committees.

28. You 'chope' a seat by placing a packet of tissues on the chair.

29. You diligently track the whereabouts of your favourite hawkers,

i.e. you know that the famous Tiong Bahru Bao is now in Jurong, the

famous Outram Char Kuay Teow is now in Hong Lim Centre and the

famous Lau Hock Kien Hokkien mee from the old Lau Pa Sat is now at Beach Road.

30. You think we're living in a modern, sophisticated country even

when our leaders still insist on wearing their white school uniforms.

The above email was sent to me by my
ex-English professor, Dr. Clive


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WORD SCRABBLE

This has got to be one of the cleverest E- mails recieved in a while.
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at
scrabble.
WORD SCRABBLE
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Forwarded by James Tjiunardi

The Twisting of the Tongues

An Indian family was keen to view my property for a second time before they put down their offer to purchase. Mr. Mohan told me he would bring his brother along for the second viewing. When I opened the door, lo and behold, I was surprised to see not one, not two, not three but fourteen members of the family! I smiled for indeed it is very typical of Indians to be very co-operative and cohesive as a family. I understand them very well, because my best friends, Amudah and Mrs. Ram are Indians.

As I was walking towards the MRT, I remember my colleagues would have completed their project presentation at the Geylang Toastmaster Club. I smsed Vanessa, our Vice President for Education, to ask her who won the best speaker's prize for prepared speech. She replied, "Muar". Immediately I thought of "Muar", a town in Johore. I wondered if Vanessa was replying me in dialect. I kept mumbling the word, "muar" and trying to ascertain which dailect she was referring to. I gave up and smsed to Vanessa, "What is "muar". Sorry, don't understand you. Back came the reply, "Me lah. Alamak".

It was only after I had my dinner that it dawned upon me that Vanessa meant "me" in French. But it should be spelt as "moi". I smsed her to let know my realisation, and that she would make life easier for me if she had said, "C'est moi!" Vanessa told me that she did not realise that "moi" should be spelt as M-O-I which sounds like a girl's name in Hokiien dialect. When we say "ah moi" ("oi" pronounced as in boil) it means a young lady in Hokkien. Hence Vanessa spelt "moi" with Malay phonetics - m-u-a-r.

This incident reminds me of a question posed by one of our customers in Rialto some years back. While waiting for his food to be served, he smiled upon hearing me switch from one language to another; from one dialect to another while talking to customers. He asked, "Singaporeans speak so many languages and dialects. Don't you guys ever get confused?"

I assured him, "No, we hardly get confused." But hang on! We do sometimes and the above incident is a classic example of the word, "moi".

We are not afraid to make mistakes, for it is through mistakes that we learn to polish and fine tune our language. This is the fun we get from living in a multi racial country like Singapore. Aren't we a colorful nation? :-)

Gan Chau

"Sis, Are You Happy?"

I was pleasantly surprised when my elder brother, Kee Seng, asked me, "Sis, are you happy?" when I visited him at his lovely home in Penang. Just after a tiring 4 hours leisurely drive from Kuala Lumpur with my niece, Tyng. I was caught a little off guard by brother's question.

"Of course I am happy, for I am a simple and contented person, Koko (brother)! Why do you ask?"

"This morning, I heard from the news that Singaporeans are the least happy and contented people in South East Asia. This is from a research done by an independent body."

I told my brother that while I was not happy that so many disasters, earthquakes, and other calamities had hit South East Asia and other parts of the world, nevertheless, I am proud that our small nation had been able to render help and relief to our neighbours during the crisis.

There are so many things to be thankful about. Although life in Singapore is somewhat stressful and fast paced, it is up to us to prioritise our time. Someone used to say, "We cannot earn all the money in the world. Work can never be finished." As a property agent, I do not want to handle just about every case given to me. I have to be selective and prioritise my time. I always believe in working not only hard, but smart as well. I need to balance my work with some time for exercise, for leisure and pleasure such as reading, writing, Toast Master Club and some volunteer activities. I still want to find time to entertain, to bless friends and colleagues with some mouth watering dishes that are cooked with love.

There is no perfect nation in this world. Rather than blaming the government and others for our unhappiness, why don't we count our blessings and name them one by one?

I have visited some 160 cities and stayed in some of them for a good length of time.
Hence it should be quite convincing if I were to say that I enjoy living in Singapore the most! I enjoy the excellent infra structure. Our small island is well linked by buses and MRT. If I were in a hurry, I could hop into a taxi, and know that my rate is not as high as the taxi fare in America or Japan. Best, of all, I can take the last train and feel safe at midnight. I would not dare to take the train in New York and London after 7.00p.m. alone.

Once I visited Wellington in New Zealand. A friend's sister came to the hotel to visit me as I had to pass her some gifts from Singapore. It was 9.00p.m. "Can we go kai kai now" Kai kai is our Hokkien dialect, meaning gallivanting. She burst out laughing. "In New Zealand, we don't go kai kai after 6p.m. Except for Thursday and Friday, most of the shops are closed by 6.00p.m." In contrast, here I can take a bus or taxi at midnight to any 24 hour food joint if I were in the mood of eating out. Or I could still take a stroll along Esplande after a great evening of concert.

Although our weather is warm, it is more bearable than the blistering cold of minus 20 to 40 degree celcius winter in Canada. It is easier to carry an umbrella than to be padded with layers upon layers of clothings to keep warm.

Singapore is a melting pot. Here I can meet people of so many different races and nationalities. I am glad to know that our visitor arrival at Changi Airport has increased considerably. This is one country where I can have the chance to practise some French, German, Korean, Japanese, Mandarin, Hokkien dialect, Malay, Hindi, Tamil, Russian and Swahili! It is such a nice ice-breaker when we are able to greet visitors in their mother tongue! Being so cosmopolitan, you can find so many types of restaurants. Now, we can even take ethnic food at the Food Court and hawker centres as it is more economical. Singapore is a food paradise!!

Yes, Singapore does not have beautiful Rocky Mountains, geysers, lakes, etc. Yet our government has done a terrific job to make a lovely garden out of the city. I love the greenery around me. My elder sister from Sarawak once commented, "In Singaspore, they plant trees everywhere; here they keep cutting trees. We are so warm here!" I know of some people who are so busy that they have no time to relax by the lovely beach or sight see in Sentosa Island. Yet they complain Singapore is such a boring place to live in. Once or twice a year, we can still take time off to travel around. With advanced technology, our world has "shrunk".

Perhaps I should attribute my optimism to my papa's upbringing. Papa always taught us to find joy in little things, and above all else, to have that sense of gratitude and positiveness. While studying in Canada for 4 years, I tried to enjoy what I could - I learnt French, cooking and baking. Instead of complaining about the cold winter, I might as well enjoy the snow by learning how to ride a snowmobile, downhill and cross country ski. I also enjoyed the golden splendour of Autumn as well as watching little leaves coming out of branches during Spring time.

As National Day is around the corner, it reminds me that the Creator has been blessing Singapore with good weather during every National Day Parade. Since I moved to Singapore some 24 years ago, I have noticed that it never rained during the 2 hours of parade and celebration.! A few times the rain came down on 9th of August, but the rain stopped around 4.30p.m. before the parade propert! Twice it rained heavily just after the parade was over! Since young, I had always been on the look out for good weather because papa often performed in outdoor charity concerts.

However, having said so, even if it were to rain this coming National Day Parade, let us not fret..... let us look upon the rain as showers of blessing!! Behind every cloud is a silver lining! My great aunt, Moh Meng, always said, "If I have potatoes and fish, I thank God. If I have plain porridge I also thank God and be happy". Contentment is found in little things. No wonder great aunt was always so cheerful and peaceful. Everyone loves this sweet, natured lady.

Happiness, contentment, murmuring, dissatisfaction, depression? Your choice.!

Emotionally yours,
Ganchau

THE BEST REPARTEE

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST EXPLANATIONS OF WHY GOD ALLOWS PAIN AND
SUFFERING
THAT I HAVE SEEN: A MAN WENT TO A BARBERSHOP TO HAVE HIS HAIR CUT AND HIS
BEARD TRIMMED. AS THE BARBER BEGAN TO WORK, THEY BEGAN TO HAVE A GOOD
CONVERSATION. THEY TALKED ABOUT SO MANY THINGS AND VARIOUS SUBJECTS. WHEN
THEY EVENTUALLY TOUCHED ON THE SUBJECT OF GOD,

THE BARBER SAID: "I DON'T BELIEVE THAT"

"WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?" ASKED THE CUSTOMER.

"WELL, YOU JUST HAVE TO GO OUT IN THE STREET TO REALIZE THAT GOD DOESN'T EXIST. TELL ME, IF GOD EXISTS, WOULD THERE BE SO MANY SICK PEOPLE?
WOULD
THERE BE ABANDONED CHILDREN? IF GOD EXISTED, THERE WOULD BE NEITHER
SUFFERING NOR PAIN. I CAN'T IMAGINE A LOVING ALLAH WHO WOULD ALLOW ALL OF
THESE THINGS."

THE CUSTOMER THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, BUT DIDN'T RESPOND BECAUSE HE DIDN'T
WANT TO START AN ARGUMENT. THE BARBER FINISHED HIS JOB AND THE CUSTOMER
LEFT
THE SHOP. JUST AFTER HE LEFT THE BARBERSHOP, HE SAW A MAN IN THE STREET
WITH
LONG, STRINGY, DIRTY HAIR AND AN UNTRIMMED BEARD. HE LOOKED DIRTY AND
UNKEMPT. THE CUSTOMER TURNED BACK AND ENTERED THE BARBER SHOP AGAIN AND

HE SAID TO THE BARBER:
"YOU KNOW WHAT? BARBERS DO NOT EXIST."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?" ASKED AND I AM A BARBER. AND I JUST WORKED ON
YOU!"&nbs p; EXCLAIMED.

"BARBERS DON'T EXIST BECAUSE IF THEY DID, THERE WOULD BE NO PEOPLE WITH
DIRTY LONG HAIR AND UNTRIMMED BEARDS, LIKE THAT MAN OUTSIDE."

"AH, BUT BARBERS DO EXIST! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE DO NOT COME TO
ME."

"EXACTLY!" AFFIRMED THE CUSTOMER. "THAT'S THE POINT! GOD, TOO, DOES
EXIST! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE DO NOT GO TO HIM AND DON'T LOOK TO
HIM FOR HELP. THAT'S WHY THERE'S SO MUCH PAIN AND SUFFERING IN THE WORLD."



IF YOU THINK GOD EXISTS, SEND THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE--- IF YOU THINK
GOD
DOES NOT EXIST, DELETE

The above article is sent to me by Soh Yah, an ex-customer of Rialto Italian Cuisine.

The wealth of English Vocabulary

English is such a wonderful language that is so rich and colorful. I often encourage my students to widen their vocabulary so that like a good artist, they can choose to "paint" with just the exact wordings that bring out the essence of a description. "Elly is big-hearted too" is one of my favourite articles, written by ex-Straits Times reporter, Nancy Koh. She used such vivid phrases and adjectives to describe Elly in her article. Enjoy the article!

SINGER ELLY IS BIG-HEARTED TOO

She was panting and sweating profusely."Wah! Very hot, very tired!" Elly Ang announces and plonks down on a chair, her mass of flesh spilling out all over the edges.

Elly, a singer from Indonesia, has just waddled 100m from her flat to the Golden World "Live" Theatre where she is appearing on a three-month contract, which ends next month. This colossus of a woman shakes my hand daintily and encourages in Mandarin, "Never mind, ask me anything. I'm used to being grilled about my bulk."

Coming face to face with a woman of such megalithic proportions can jolt one's senses. You even have to swivel your head to take in all that expanse. She is not plump but podgy, not fleshy but meaty, not chubby but corpuluent. Her eyes appear like little dashes, her nose a tiny button and her mouth is like a rose petal in that bloated face.

A prominent chin and high cheek bones serve notice of what could be, if all that flesh was pared off. A missing canine to the left makes you wonder if the tooth-fairy ran out of stock. Billed as the "500 pound singer" Elly actually weighs 190 kg and with vital statistics of 148 cm - 138 cm -173 cm, has the combined girth of three thin girls. And if you stare hard enough, she will proudly declare to you that her ahem, thighs are 85 cm and her biceps are 24 cm.

"I think I'm the fattest woman in Indonesia. I hope I can be the world's biggest one day, so that they will write it down in the record books and people will remember me," she says with a wistful sigh. Her other ambition is to record cassettes and break into Hongkong films. "After all, I'm much bigger than Fei Fei (comedienne Sum Tin Har).

Elly thinks that her largeness is due to her low metabolic rate as she eats normally. Fruits and vegetables are her favourites and she takes meat sparingly "as it makes me giddy and feel like throwing up". She loves chilli and soft drinks, and sips 20 to 30 glasses of Chinese tea a day. She likes eating out at restaurants and watching shows at the cinema but doesn't care for exercise of any sort.

Neither does she envy the shapely figure and famed 20inch (46cm) waist of Taiwanese singer, Lo Yen Li, who performed at the Golden World till yesterday. "As long as I'm healthy and happy, nothing else matters", she asserts.

Elly, 35, who is the eighth in a family of two boys and eight girls (her mother is the only other one who is jumbo-sized) told of how she started swelling to 70 kg at the age of 11. She was teased, taunted and used to cry herself to sleep as she knew the nickname they gave her, Fatty -Bom-Bom, fitted her to a tee.

"It took me a long time, but I finally came to forms with my obesity and simply ignored the stares and insults," she says softly, breaking into her native dialect, Fujian. By the time she was 17 years old, she was 90 kg. With the birth of her two sons, now aged 13 and 9, she bloomed to her peresent weight. It has remained constant for the past few years.

Both her sons are, in her words, nicely rounded. Her younger son, she adds with a hearty laugh, is already 25 kg. "Very healthy", she insists. Together with husband, Herman Thio, she adds happily, they are fiercely protective of her. "They will scold anyone who dares poke fun at me". Fifteen years ago, Elly followed her two musician brothers into show business, after winning the Chinese talentime in Indonesia in 1968. Soon after meeting Herman, an ex-musician, she learned to play the guitar under him.

Back home in Medan, they run a coffee house-lounge, BJ, where the manageress never fails to make a guest appearance. Herman, who has accompanied her here on her first overseas stint, brings her a glass of Chinese tea. He looks on lovingly while she takes graceful sips. Herman weighs only 68 kg and is a forehead taller than her. But it is more than her bear-hugs which have sustained their marraige for 13 years.

He explains, "We understand each other very well. I like her singing and her sense of humour. She makes me laugh all the time." To him, beauty is skin-deep. What matters is the person inside that hulk who, he adds, has a heart of gold. Elly grins coyly and whispers, "He has four wives, you know."

"Really?" Embarrassed, Herman walks away. Elly has the last laugh. "Huh, if he does, I'll sit on him and suffocate him to death, ah!"

by Nancy Koh
ex-Straits Times Reporter
,