Singer Elly is big-hearted too

This is one of the most well written articles I had read in the Straits times. Nancy Koh had shown her prowess as a journlist. Her article was often used by me in my English classes when I wanted to show students how an excellent vocabulary could literally help them to write more vividly. I am sure readers will enjoy the article.

SINGER ELLY IS BIG-HEARTED

What is life, if full of cares? (Computers are Really Essential, Sweetheart)

Gosh! A decade ago, I bought a computer from my student tenant, Vincent. He had to cash out some money urgently and could think of nothing but his computer. Since he would be upgrading anyway, he thought he would dispose the computer to realise his cash. I gave him the price he wanted.... hate to bargain with someone who is in need.

It is absolutely no problem for my arty farty family to learn to play any kind of musical instruments but we are terrified of things electronic and mechanical.
I was absolutely fearful of the computer! There it sat in my living room, looking so formidable and cold, like some bomb waiting to be detonated if I as much as pressed the wrong button! Vincent had taught me how to use the computer, but my mind just could not register the process! It took me ages to type one letter... eventually I gave up. Hence the computer was literally left to rot and gather dust and dogs' hairs. In the end, it protested and died a premature death and was donated to the karang guni man. I had literally killed the white elephant!

A few years later, a friend, Andrew Lee, donated his old computer to me. He kindly helped me to set it up, and taught me how to use it. I used the telephone line to do email. Hence the speed was rather slow, but the slow speed was suitable for me, because I was equally slow to manage the machine. With so much coercion from my nieces and nephews who egged me on to communicate with them by email, I forced myself to persevere. Soon I was progressing and found the dial up speed too slow However, the computer decided it had enough of me and bid me goodbye. It died a premature death like my earlier one.

It was timely that I won a lucky prize... a computer with printer, scanner, all intact. I had to learn how to use the printer and scanner. My friends taught me patiently. This time the speed was faster as we subscribed the usage of broad band.

Now that I am more familiar with the computer, I am able to type at about 150 wpm.
How wonderful to be able to communicate with friends all over the world, and do away with the tiring trip to the post office to weigh your letters and purchase stamps. With the set up of my blog, I am able to communicate and exchange ideas with other blog writers and readers locally and in different parts of the world.

I have been pleading with my older siblings to learn the computer, and sister Ean Ean told me she does not even know how to turn on the computer. "Aiyoh, old already... what for learn", she lamented. Although we could communicate by phone, it is so much more expensive. Whereas with the computer, you can write endless pages of communciation! Not only that, you can organise and chose your words carefully. With the phone, you may run the risk of saying words you should not be using.
Whereas on the computer, you can rethink and rewrite.

I was very encouraged by my friend, Peter Richardson, who came all the way from Brisbane to take a one month computer course in setting up web pages. He is in his fifties!

I started learning the computer when I turned half a century years old. I am still learning more aspects of the computer. Hope my article will encourage all those of you who are terrified of the computer like I used to.
If Choo can handle the computer, so can you! Try it! What is life if full of cares? (Computers are really essential, Sweetheart).

Gan Chau

Mother of the English Dung

What an interesting response to my article, "Murder of the English Tongue" which I received from an old university buddy, Richard Tam. His "Mother of the English Dung" would be interesting to share with readers.

MOTHER OF THE ENGLISH DUNG

Applause! I kudov darnsed all nite!

Someone sent me this, should try it on your friend's father (try speaking in Cockney):

Subject: Old country preacher and the teenager

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar and a bottle of whisky.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink. . ..

"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "he's gonna be a politician!"