Little Ironies of Singapura (1)

I am starting a series of little ironies that I see taking place in my beloved nation. Since Catherine Lim had written "Little Ironies of Singapore", I shall entitle my collection "Little Ironies of Singapura" so as not to confuse my local readers.

Let's begin with the first one. Yesterday I advertised my client's 2 storey penthouse unit for rent. It is one of those rare HDB (Housing Development Board) unit beside the Yew Tee MRT. The advertisement generated a lot of response. One agent, Richard Wong from Coldwell Banker Properties, called me and asked to co-broke. I am always willing to co-broke even if I earn less commission, but it means my clients can get their units sold or rented out quickly. My clients' interest must come first.

I mentioned to Richard that actually one couple from India had seen and liked the apartment very much, but decided against taking the unit because the lady was expecting their first child, and hence a two storey unit would not be suitable. I had persuaded the couple that the "compulsory" stair climbing would actually aid in an easier birth of their first child, for exercise is always good for an expectant mother. Richard laughed and said, "Ya, these people complain of climbing one flight of stairs, but the next thing you know, they pay thousands of dollars to exercise in the gym or special pre-natal and post-natal exercises!"

When I first came to Singapore, I was not sure of my directions, and once I asked a stranger where C.K.Tang Departmental Store was located. "Just down the road", the stranger replied. I asked if I could walk to my destination, and she said, "No, very far". Found out it was only one MRT (Mass Rail Transit) stop away, and it took me only 12 minutes to walk to my destination. I know of many Singaporeans who would exercise one hour in the gym but would not walk if the desination is one or two bus-stops away. Of course, it is understandable if it is during the hot afternoon, but here, I am talking about evening and night hours.

On the other extreme, Baaska Caantuul, a Mongolian student who used to stay with me, would hardly take public transport. She could walk for one to two hours from her school because she found our public transport to be too costly for her liking. Yet, to my surprise, I found that she had no qualms spending S$300/- on a Gucchi handbag and S$350/- on a branded outfit! (Could not remember the name of the brand).

Baaska often complained about our hot Singapore weather. Nevertheless, she could walk to school everyday in the sultry heat. Yet whenever she was at home, she would turn the aircon to full blast, as the cold from the aircon was never cold enough for her!

It could be exasperating to put up with people with their peculiar reasoning and habits. Yet is is these idiosyncracies that make life more interesting and colorful! The world is a stage, and we are all but actors and actresses on this big stage of life, so said wise, old, Willy. (William Shakespeare lah).

Gan Chau :-)

Jokes - In the Courtroom

Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

6. "Did he kill you?"

7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"

12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: "I went to Europe, sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"

14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male or female?"

16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."

22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

More jokes to help my dear readers laugh their way to excellent health!

(Jokes adapted from Send It Out Newsletter)

Gan Chau :-)

Jokes - To Tickle Your Funny Bones

Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man awoke, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The message on the paper read, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN , YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.

This email is sent by a friend. Post it here to share with readers. It is important to laugh your way to good health. Laughter massages the internal organs of the body!

Gan Chau :-)