Words and Only Words I Know ....

I decided to chose the "Humourously Speaking" manual for my Advanced Communicator Silver projects. Many toastmasters shy away from this manual because they believe it is one of the toughest. They believe it may be difficult to "squeeze" laughter out from an audience. I am one of those who love challenges. Hence I decided to opt for this manual.

To my surprise, the manual encourages us to repeat our speeches so as to improve on them. Hence, this is my prepared speech for our Dennis Wee Group Toastmaster's meeting on 18th December. I am doing AP2 Leave Them With a Smile. I have repeated some of the incidents and have also added new anecdotes. I hope that after reading it, you too will be left with a smile :-).

When I was studying in Primary Five, I asked my teacher why the son was jailed for laughing. "Jailed for laughing?" my teacher looked surprised. Whereupon I produced a newspaper cutting with the heading, "Son jailed for manslaughter". Hence, began my interest and obsession with words, and only words I know......

Good evening, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen. This evening, I hope that after my speech, you will be convinced that learning languages is not difficult and is actually quite easy and interesting. Though some languages may appear to be complicated at first, they become more meaningful to understand after a while. Languages add colours to our life, and help to break the ice in communication with someone from another country.

English is a language that is so rich with words. It is a complex language because ever so often the rules or structures are made only to be broken. How do you explain to a child that the person who teaches is a teacher but the person who cooks is not a cooker. Or why do we have counsellor with counsellee but not professor with profesee?

A few years ago, I was operating an Italian outlet at the Amara Hotel Food Court. A gentleman came and ordered quite a lot of food for someone who had a small frame. After some two hours, he came to me and after paying his bills, he said, "My compliments to your chef." I thanked him and said to my chef, "Massimo, that gentleman enjoyed your food! Keep up your good menu!" To my surprise, my chef frowned and asked, "Which world do you come from Choo? He has been making eyes with me the past two hours. He's a gay!"

I advertised for a tenant and to my surprise, a Polytechnic student called me and asked if I would mind his coming back late at night. I asked him if he was working as a part time waiter or cook. "No, I'm a pretty boy." You mean you are a handsome boy. "I'm a pretty boy, he insisted. "Wrong use of adjective... you say handsome boy and pretty girl. "I'm a pretty boy", he repeated. "Look, I'm a teacher, and I'm correcting your English", I coaxed. "Which world do you come from?
"From Penang", I answered. "I'm a duck", said the student. I became more bewildered.
"I have heard of chickens but I have not .....you mean you're" "I'm a gigolo", the student said.

I had the opportunity to learn Korean when I started working as a secretary just after high school. The Koreans were building the Penang International Arport. On the first day, I was a little unnerved when I found that there were only 3 lady staff in a company of 200. The Korean names were not easy to remember as there were 4 Mr. Han, 5 Mr. Koon, 12 Mr. Kim, 14 Mr. Park and 19 Mr. Lee!! Hence I had to use mnemonics to help me remember. One of the youngest engineers was called Mr. Han Your Bo. "What a funny name.... your bo... sounds like your wife!" I thought to myself. One day I hollered to Mr. Han, "Your Bo, phone call for you."
Suddenly all the engineers looked up and laughed. Later, the Project manager came to me and said, "Poor Choo. You had been tricked. Your Bo is our Korean word for my darling!" For one month I had been calling Mr. Han "my darling" without realising it. No wonder each time, I called him Your Bo, he would respond in a very soft and emotional way!

Hence I told myself I would learn the Korean Language. Little did I realise the Koreans must make their life so difficult by using so many words to describe the same thing. We say, "Good night, bon nuit (in French), Wan Aun (in Mandarain, but the Koreans must say, "Ahn nyong hi ju mu sip si yo". Ten words! By the time we finish our sentence, the other person would have fallen asleep. We say,"I love you, or Je t'adore (in French), Wo ai ni (in Mandarin), but the Koreans say "Na nun sarang ham ni da mi chi ge" (ten words)!

When I first entered university in Canada, I was surprised to meet so many Chinese scholars from China. Two of them were my flat mates. One day, Chen Tai and I went into the lift and we saw a couple kissing each other in tight embrace. I pretended I saw nothing. But poor Chen Tai had a culture shock... she could not sleep for 3 nights, always asking me, "Why like that?" I told her that the winter was very cold... hence the need for the tight embrace.

When summer arrived, Chen Tai was surprised to see ladies in bikinis lying around in the garden of their houses and parks. She asked me what they were up to. I was trying to tell her that they were sun bathing but I did not have the exact vocabulary, so I translated directly what I knew, "Ta men tai yang chong liang".

When I returned to Malaysia, people were quite charmed by my Beijing accent. This accent came in useful when I went to China for a tour in 1987.
I realised that one of our group members had been charged excessively for the lychees he bought. Hence I decided to put on my Beijing accent. "I jing duo sao chien ah? (How much is 1 kati?) San yuan (3 yuan) "Hao! Ching ni gei wo we jin bah (Good, please give me 5 katis). Later, he frowned and scratched his head, "Ku niang ah, ni bu shih ben di ren ah. Ni chong nar li lai ah?" (ou are not a local. Where are you from?) I smiled and sang the first two lines of the Olive Tree (Kan Lan Shu) Bu yao wen wo chong nar li lai. Wa terh ku siang chai yuan fang (Please do not ask me where I come from; My hometown is very far away). The fruit vendor laughed and I also went away happily. It was fun.

Once a Black lady came to my food outlet and when I heard her say that she was from Kenya, I immediately greeted her in Swahili, "Habariya muolimo wango!" (How are you my teacher/friend?) She smiled and said, "You make my day! this is the first time, a Singaporean greeted me in my mother tongue". She bought a lot of food. I wonder if it was her real appetite or she bought a lot to please me.

On another occasion, a customer came to Rialto and told me he was from Nepal. I greeted him, "Namaste! Promeisualeh arsis dinuhuncha!" (Greetings. God bless you). Now I have learnt that when you make customers happy, they will eat more!

One day, I brought some Malaysian friends shopping at Peninsular Plaza. I greeted the Indian man and spoke to him. Just then, my friend, Madeline, pulled me away and said in a stern voice, "Choo, you must not play the fool with tongues!" "What tongues? I'm speaking Tamil." "Really" asked my friend. The Indian vendor shooked his head in agreement.

President Lionel, "Tar di ya irindalum, ni alarga irikire".
(You are nicely rounded, but very handsome". Toastmaster of the Evening!

Gan Chau