Driving Me Nuts

I just thought I would share with readers my project 5 speech for my company's Toastmaster's Meeting. Project 5 emphasises on body language. Hope you enjoy my speech, and that it will tickle your funny bones :-)


DRIVING ME NUTS

How many of you can drive or are learning to drive at the moment?

Good! I hope my speech, "Driving Me Nuts", will not drive you nuts, and that no one will be discouraged from learning to drive. I want to convince you that if Choo can drive, so can you.!

Good evening Mr. President, fellow toastmasters and guests.

I have always been clumsy. Mechanical and electronic things scare the daylights out of me. Nevertheless I decided to learn to drive. That was some 35 years ago. My helpful friend, David, decided he would teach me how to drive his car... on a quiet road in Air Itam Village, Penang. As I took the wheel, my heart was beating very fast and instead of pressing the brake, I pressed the accelerator as I was turning. I lost control. The car hit a small granite bridge as it went into the ditch. The granite bridge broke into two. The car was badly dented but miraculously, there was not a scratch on us. Quite shaken, David said, "I think you better register with a driving school."

So I paid MR130 for a driving course which came with a guarantee that they would keep coaching you till you pass. . When I had to take my theory test, which was done orally, I was quite nervous. The examiner asked, "What do you do when you come to a roundabout?" I was so relieved. So easy, and without thinking I blurted, "Oh, just go round and round!" Result? I failed!

During the second test, I was trying to park the car. So far, so good. "This time, I'm sure to pass," I thought. Alas! Pride goes before a fall! I forgot to put the car in reverse and bang, all the poles fell down. The crowd laughed and my instructor was furious."You knocked down not one, not two, not three, but four poles - what a record!"

When I first started teaching in Singapore, I converted my Malaysian licence to a Singapore licence. I bought an old little Daihatsu Cuore with a 650cc engine.

When I was driving the car back along the highway, I noticed that people were turning their heads around to look at my car. Getting worried, I asked my friend, Carrie, "Why is everyone staring at my car? Is the car so cute or am I the one who is cute?" Later I found out that the number of the car, 6263, had just won first prize in the 4-D. !!

However, my little car had a big problem. When the weather was fine, it would also be fine. But when it started to rain, the car would also start to cough like an old man with bronchitis, and the engine would stall! Going uphill was a little strenuous for my "old boneshaker." To have more power, I would have to switch off my air conditioning.

Once my eldest sister visited me from Kuching. I took her to Mandai Zoo. Suddenly the weather turned cloudy and it started to rain and my old boneshaker started to cough again. It suddenly stalled .... just a few metres from the zoo. "Aiyo. Your car is so lousy one," grumbled my sister
.
"Sis, don't worry. When the sun comes out, the car will move again. Let's walk to the zoo and enjoy ourselves first." I wrote on a sheet of paper, "Dear Mr. Policeman, please don't fine me hor. Blame my car... don't blame me. My car has the flu. It will get well when the sun comes up. Am at the zoo with my sister now. Be back soon!"

When we came back from the zoo, I saw a piece of paper on my windscreen wiper, "You're funny one. But I excute you! I think he meant "excuse" not execute! Make sure your car is in good health or don't go gallivanting. Next time no more chance hor.,,, fine $70/-!!

Most of my ACS students came to school in big cars. Hence they found my little car a great novelty. One day, as I was walking towards my classroom after recess, I heard three boys talking among themselves while peering into my car. "Teacher's car is so small one. Must be very light. One push and it will go down the slope!" I coughed and the boys turned around . "Madam, your car is so cute", said one boy with a grin.

One evening, after school assembly, my colleague, Mr. Tan suddenly asked, "Choo, can send me back or not? I need to rush home". It had just started to rain and I dared not tell him that my car was problematic. As I was driving, the rain became heavier, and when I reached Farrer Road, the flood was rising. Sensing my anxiety, Mr. Tan said, "Don't be afraid, Choo. Put to first gear all the way".

On the other side of Farrer Road there was a traffic jam and I could see a car half submerged in water. As the water level was rising, I prayed that my faith level was not decreasing! I prayed really hard. Gradually, I came out of flooded Farrer road...... Hip! Hip! Hooray! Thank God! I felt like Moses, who had just crossed the Red Sea!!

The next morning, I was surprised when my colleague told me that her brand new 1.7 litre Subaru was stalled in the flood. Yet, my 9 year old little Daihatsu Cuore with its 650cc engine survived the flood. !

One day, I was washing the car in the parking lot just below my HDB flat. An old man was staring at my number plate. Suddenly he said, "Ah Moi. Lu huat tat lioa! Tio tao biao" Miss, you have struck it rich. Won first prize " I told him that I did not buy 4D. He said, " Lu jin gong.Tua pek kong ai bo bi lu." You are so stupid. The God of Prosperity wants to make you rich!." I told him that Jesus had blessed me and I'd always been happy and contented. I shared with him about the adventures of my faithful little old car.

The old man smiled. "Ho ah, Ho ah. Lu bo gong. Jin hok ki" Good Good. You are not stupid but very lucky".

Hence, ladies and gentlemen; In conclusion, I'm sure you are now convinced that if Choo can drive, so can anyone! Don't drive nuts; just drive on!!


Toast master of the evening!

Gan Chau