Every Person is Unique!

It has been almost three and a half decades. Yet I still remember the story of this beautiful family that eldest sister, Lee Lee, had narrated. She admired her British pastor, especially at the way he handled his children. To the oldest boy, he had to be stern and tough, and punishment could only be in the form of spanking if it was to drive home any message to the boy that the father meant his words. Yet to the youngest child, all the father needed to do was to raise his voice and said, "Michael Paterson!" And the little boy would tremble and start to weep. The father had discerned each of his three children's characteristics. He knew he had to use different approaches with his children if he wanted the desired results.

How I wish this could be true of our penal system and hopefully, of every system, especially where human beings are concerned. Every human being is unique, and we are dealing with two legged beings who grow up with characteristics they have inherited from the genes of their parents, and with things they have been nurtured with. My beloved papa was one such man who understood people very well. His wisdom and acute observation and sensitivity had enabled him to be loved and respected by all those who knew him. As a father, he knew he had to be very stern with eldest brother who was quite a tough nut to crack. Yet, he knew that yours truly is soft hearted and sensitive. His disappointment and sadness would make me cry. Papa knew that his reasoning of things done wrong would be sufficient to make me want to resolve to do better.

Thanks to the lessons I have learnt from papa, it has also made me sensitive to others and more acute in my observation. Perhaps this is the reason why I could be considered an excellent teacher when I was teaching in the secondary schools. Like papa, teaching is my first love but I had to quit because of my constant loss of voice. Currently, I am able to excel in real estate because it is a people's business. I am not only dealing with properties but more with human beings who make that crucial decision to buy, sell or rent.

Hence when I read of the sudden demise of Dr. Adrian Yeo, I was extremely sad. I had written an article, "The Second Chance that Made a Thief a Doctor" (republished below) when I read of Adrian's case. Although I do not know Adrian or his family personally, I could well understand the anguish and grief that the family must have suffered. Somehow I knew that Adrian would make good after his release. There are always exceptions, but somehow I feel that men who are less masculine often tend to be soft hearted and teachable. They tend to be people who will probably respond better with milder punishment and counselling. Hence, my hope as well as the hope of many Singaporeans, has been dashed with the sudden death of the young doctor. If only, if only, we could turn back the clock.......

I hope PAPa will emulate my papa's fine examples. Yes, you can argue that PAPa is a government; my papa is a family man. Nevertheless, the two are quite similar because they have the same subjects - people. I feel that Confucius was not too far fetched when he made the analogy that if we want a happy and successful State, we have to start with the individual who is well nurtured by the family. This in turn builds up a healthy society of well-adjusted individuals. Happy and contented families will in turn make a nation great. As I have always said, I am not politically inclined; in fact, I have difficulty understanding politics and stocks and shares; my mental make up is more at ease with the arts - music, cooking and writing.

Of course, rules and regulations can never be dispensed with. In fact, they are needed for the smooth operation of institutions, nations, etc. However, it would be most wonderful if leaders are able to exercise or are given the liberty to exercise their initiative and discretion. For example, in the case of papa, the rule said that every student who had stolen should be sent to the principal for caning. However, papa knew his student better than anyone else. His perception and hunches knew that this student with great potential, would respond more to gentle chiding and reasoning. Likewise, with MINDEF for example, the rule is that every young man must sign up for conscription by age 18. MINDEF must be applauded for their having allowed Ik See to defer NS for two years so that he could pick up his scholarship studies at Curtis University. Having excelled, Ik See again won another four years of scholarship from Curtis, but this time Ik See could not accept the scholarship. It is very tiring for everyone concerned to start the whole process of pleading again. A scholar who is reading law for eg. can always do his NS first, but not someone who is doing music. The human brain is more resilient and well protected by the skull, whereas a pair of hands with ten fingers are more prone to injury or stiffening and roughness. This is the reason why everyone who understands how violinists and musicians operate, has been writing to plead for Ik See, Singapore's rare talent, pride and joy.

This is why I had taken the opportunity to request Mr. Lui Tuck Yew, during his door-to-door visit, to consider letting the Ministry of Education work closely with MINDEF. The most important resource in our little nation - our people who are as different and as unique as snow flakes. We cannot afford to lose any one of our precious people. We want our people to be able to place the flag of Singapore on every summit they have scaled.


Tuesday, June 13, 2006

THE SECOND CHANCE THAT MADE A THIEF A DOCTOR

The recent arrest of Adrian Yeo, a houseman, made me reminisce about my beloved papa again. For my overseas readers, please log in http://www.tomorrow.sg for more details of the case.

Papa was teaching Chinese and Music in a primary school in Penang. One day, he caught a Standard 6 pupil stealing a classmate's gold Cross pen. Instead of sending the thief to the principal for caning during school assembly, papa chose to counsel the boy quietly. He told the student, that he was a brilliant boy and hence should use his intelligent mind to bless others, instead of plotting to put others at a disadvantage. The boy cried, and vowed to turn over a new leaf. My papa's gentleness and compassion broke him. He resolved not to let papa and his own family down. He later became a prominent Specialist in Malaysia as well as an active volunteer doctor in the Home for the Aged. At papa's funeral, I am sure you can guess, who among his students, wept the most.

I am not implying that we should molly cuddle the likes of Adrian Yeo. I am sure Adrian's family must feel they have failed him too; failed for not recognising his problems earlier, so that they could have sent him for professional counselling. As a nation, we feel a sense of failure too when our young people are caught shoplifting, molesting and subjecting themselves to the danger of drugs and Aids. So much emphasis is on excellence that our people are getting more stressed, confused and depressed. There should be more openness and a conducive environment so that our youths can be encouraged to admit, "I have a problem.... can you please help me?"

As a teacher, I would also blame myself partially if I had failed to help my students other than teaching them to speak and write proper English. This is why I had asked my students to write their journals. In one of the journals one of my boys had written that he often secretly wore his sister's clothes and make up. He also had a deep crush on one of the boys in his class. With professional help from church counsellors, he is now doing well and is happily married with two kids.

Adrian has spent years working hard to achieve his dream of becoming a doctor. His family must have great faith that he will do well. Now the heart-broken father has to sell his only roof to pay off the debts incurred because of his studies. Probably the father was too busy driving longer and longer hours to help bring in more earnings for the family. What an ironical twist!

Someone commented that because Adrian is a doctor, society will expect high standards from him. Please do not put people on a pedestal. Whether a person is a doctor, lawyer, engineer, civil servant, or church pastor ... .... everyone is a human being with his strengths and weaknesses. To err is human; to give a second chance divine. Therefore please give Adrian a second chance to continue his houseman ship and medical career. Let him have a chance to contribute back to society in a more meaningful way than to label him for life.

I hope our hardworking police force will go around internet chat rooms and hook up the likes of Adrian Yeo, so that they can receive proper counselling and professional help. This would be better than throwing them behind bars and spending taxpayers' money. Two packets of rice with meat and vegetables a day times 245 days cost a lot, you know.

Gan Chau