Singapore Does Not Believe in Tears!

When I was studying at the University of Alberta, I became interested in foreign films. Hence, I bought a whole package which allowed me to watch 10 foreign films at a huge discount. Once a fornight, I would go to the University theatre to watch my favourite movies. Of these, three stood out most clearly in my memory till today... and one of them was "Moscow does not believe in tears". It was a movie about three Russian ladies who were all out to find a man of their hearts' desires. It was a comedy and I laughed till tears came down! Ironical that the movie should be entitled, "Moscow does not believe in tears"!

Notice my title for this article? It is somewhat along the same line... hope my readers will laugh till tears roll down their cheeks. Some may have to write to me to thank me for helping them to slim down, for they are already full from laughing and hence can skip a meal for the day!

Some years back, when I told people I was single, I would receive sympathy and almost that look which said, "Oh! You poor thing! So unlovable!" Of course, the words that came out would be quite different, "How come? The men around you must be blind! Such a bubbly and bright girl you are!" However, my girls from River Valley High were charmed. They found their single English teacher a great bundle of joy in the classroom. They were comfortable with my lack of hang ups, and I could discuss boy-girl relationship openly with my students. I taught the boys how to be more refined and gentlemanly in their attitude and treatment of the fairer sex. I reminded the girls not to be too demanding and nagging, and always just receiving. They must remember to give as well as receive. Once a student compared me with the somewhat grumpy, nagging Chinese language teacher.

"How come you are both single, but you are so happy while Miss Lee is often so miserable", a student once asked me.

"Maybe, it is because I have Jesus in my heart", I volunteered, "and I know God is always with me and I feel His sweet presence and blessings".

Once, my top girl announced to the class loudly that she too would like to remain single and focus on her career. I told the class to let nature take its course, and if too many of them became single, the PAP would call me up for questioning, for now our nation would have greater need to grow its population!

Once after the annual cross country run, I went to Bugis Street to buy some silk flowers for my sister. I noticed a stationery shop across the flower shop. The aluminium doors were not completely open, and the staff on duty looked bored and depressed. She was even bare-footed!

"How much are those files?" I asked.

"Don't buy! Very expensive!" came the reply.

I was somewhat taken aback and felt quite sorry for the lady. "How much are these pens?" I continued.

"Don't buy! Very expensive".

I looked at the lady and with compassion in my heart, I asked her why she looked so down.

"Aiya! Very sian ah (tired). Life is so boring!" she gave out a big yawn.

I asked her if she would like to hear my testimonies which would cheer her up!

"Stories? Sure!" she suddenly brightened up.

Hence I began sharing with her some of my hilarious testimonies. She started laughing and later a customer entered the shop and she leapt to her feet, cheerfully greeting the customer! I watched her in amusement.

After the customer left, she eagerly asked me to continue my stories. Later she ordered some chicken rice for me and we both had lunch in the shop. I found out that Shirley was her name. She later asked me if I was married. "No, I'm single!"

"Wah! So clever! The Bible said that it is good to be single". I immediately sensed she must be having problems in her marriage.

I told Shirley that the apostle Paul said it is good if we marry; but it is even better if we don't, especially if we have the gift of singlehood.

Just before I departed, Shirley said, "Just now, what did you want to buy ah? They're prizes for your students? O.k. give you everything free".

I told Shirley I would not accept the stationery for free. I would like to buy at a discount. She shared with her husband about our meeting and invited me to have dinner with them. Over dinner I shared with both Shirley and Kevin about how a couple with God in the centre of their lives, would form a very strong triangle of love and relationship. Both husband and wife accepted Christ and soon their relationship healed and prospered. How true when my pastor said that when a man is right with God, he will be right with the world.

Perhaps my being a legal secretary ( at Lim Kean Siew & Co.) who handled nearly all the divorce cases in Penang played a part in my singlehood. I became street wise. I already knew in my late teens that if I had to marry someone, my spouse must be someone worth the exchange of my time, freedom and energy. He need not have all the 5 Cs of Car, Cash, Condominium, Credit Card and Country Club that Singaporean ladies are often accused of coveting. He need only the small c's of compassion, committment, charisma, competence (giving his best in all that he does) and communication (I can't stand it if someone keeps everything bottled in his heart and I am expected to be a psychologist to read his mind). If I have to lose all my energy and sleep getting frustrated over a spouse, I might as well devote all my energy to loving animals and reaching out to others less fortunate.

Today, whenever people find out that I am single, they will say I am so ooo oooooo lucky! In a way I guess I am. Many often think I am a married lady with some children. Are single people not expected to be oozing with joy and contentment? How can I not be happy when there are still so many countries for me to visit. There are still so many wonderful books to read and write, and so many languages that I can still learn and improve on. There are still so many new international dishes I want to try to cook. So many new people I want to meet and so many things to learn.! Mmm.... Singpore does not believe in tears!

Gan Chau