If I Were a Man ......

Just as I thought I had finally acclimatized myself to the warm weather here after a quarter of a century, the truth just dawned upon me! Ever so often I have strange stares from commuters in the train, especially when I could not get my handkerchief on time to wipe off the rivulets of perspiration on my face! I would be all warm and flustered; my rosy cheeks gleaming and glowing with all the moisture that would make brand names like Elizabeth Arden and SK II redundant!

Just the other day, a lady commuter stared at me and after a while she asked, "What cosmetics do you use for your face?

"Oh! Saliva. Just let the dog lick your face, and it will surely be smooth and shining!", I said, with a straight face. I could see another two passengers trying to cup their mouth as they tried to stifle their laughter.

Oh! How I wish I were a man in Singapore, for I could go around topless with a bald head. I would be helping to save the earth, needing so few garments....the silkworms would be spared from having to weave more silk; cotton could continue to grow in abundance, etc. Why must ladies sport long hair to create that Barbie-doll look-a-like in this hot, humid weather? Why must some ladies wear scarves for the sake of looking attractive? If you were a man, you could sit with your legs apart for more ventilation. You would not appear to be crude or impolite.... but macho!

Having just watched the TV serial on Channel U, "The Perfect Cut" I wonder why most of the patients are women who need breast implants, botox injection, double eyelid surgery, etc. etc. Beauty is more than skin deep, and why can't ladies be just accepted for their inner beauty and strength?

My professor, Dr. Clive S. has just sent me an article which I thought is quite humorous. I hope my readers will enjoy it too. Hopefully, at the end of this article, my readers would empathise with my thoughts, "If I were a man...."

Hang on a second.....I should thank God for being what I am and enjoy everything that life has to offer, humidity or no humidity. Most importantly, to look at everything positively, and be grateful and contented. While I detest going out in this humid weather, nevertheless I enjoy working at home in lose, baggy clothings. Which job can allow you to wear pyjamas and work in the comfort of your home? As someone said, "I complain I have no shoes, until I saw someone with no feet."


MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE


NICKNAMES

* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


EATING OUT

* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller
and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
sale.


BATHROOMS

* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS

* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE

* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL

* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it
... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.