The Art of Growing Old

REMEMBER to be kind to old folks, for they are worth a fortune. They have silver in their hair,
gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs.

I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life.
Frankly, I have become a frivolous old girl.

I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up Will Power helps me out of bed, then I go to see John. Next it's time for Uncle Toby, who's always followed by Billy Tea. Soon after, Mr. Knapp keeps me company.

When they've left, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays with me for the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place for a very long time, so he takes me from joint to joint.

After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to get to bed with Johnny Walker. What a life! Oh yes, I almost forgot - I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.

The Vicar called the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking about hereafter. I told him I do that all the time.

No matter where I am, in the garden, in the kitchen, in the bedroom or in the sitting room, I ask myself, "Now what am I here after?"

Anonymous