The Sound of Silence

When my niece, Kam Ning, came back to Singapore to perform with the Malaysian Philharmonic Ochestra at the Esplanade, I was full of joy. At her interview with the Business Times, she said that if there is is one thing she would like to achieve, she would like the audience to see God when the violin Concerto in D Minor (Op. 47) by Sibelius is being performed.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I heard Ning's wonderful performance. I was absolutely sure Ning had her heart's desire when some of the more senstive audience could feel God's sweet presence in the lovely concert hall which was permeated with such beautiful interpretation of Sibelius' works. For me, perhaps, it was seeing God twice, for without His mercy and grace, I would not have been able to hear the orchestra at all!

When I was six years of age, I had an accident which caused me to gradually become hearing impared. It was painful to be laughed at by classmates who did not understand my constantly having to fight ringing in the ears and dizziness caused by the imbalance of the cochleas. Gradually I learnt to lip read and managed to follow lessons in class so well that most of the teachers did not realise my hearing problem. If a teacher were to call my name from behind, I would be in deep trouble because I would not be able to lip read. Hence I was often punished by some teachers who thought I was just being naughty and stubborn. As my hearing deteriorated, I became more reclusive and found great comfort in books. My siblings often had to put their finger on their lips to indicate to me to speak more softly, because I could not hear my own speech and never realised how loud my voice could be sometimes!

When I was nine years old, eldest sister took me to Sunday School. I was spellbound when I learnt that Jesus had healed the blind, the deaf and the lame. He even raised Lazarus from the dead! Everyday, I would argue with God that if He had given me ears, then I should not have ears that were all messed up inside. I prayed for healing... for my hearing to be restored. I argued that if god could make the lame walk, surely he could reinstate my hearing!

One evening my second sister came back from work and told me she had seen a huge banner with the words "Mircale Healing" and asked if I wanted to check it out. An Indian pastor prayed for me and instantly I could hear! The world suddenly became noisy again when I could hear the bus engine roaring, the dogs barking and the frogs croaking as we made our way home!

Next morning it was such sheer delight to hear the birds singing on the trees! Mama who was then a Buddhist, was so overjoyed by my miracle that she went around telling all the neighbours that the god who died on the Cross had healed her youngest daughter!

Very few people would be able to identify with the pain and loneliness of living in a silent world. At least I was fortunate that I was not born deaf... that I had the chance to learn to read and write and play the piano before my world became silent. But others like Donald Goh (The New Paper, 14/12/2005, pg. 4) who was born deaf could not speak because he had not heard. It was sad that some unkind people had to write graffiti on the wall outside his apartment, ""Monkey Noise, woo woo, shut up". Poor little Donald had tried to speak, but could only muster such sounds. Whoever had written down the graffiti should thank the Creator that he had been born normal, and should therefore have more compassion and acceptance towards others who were born with physical defects.

Perhaps on looking back, I am thankful that I had gone through some years of silence. As I gradually lost my hearing, I learnt to become more imaginative when I read books or played the piano. Like Beethoven who became stone deaf in his last years, I had to "hear" the music in my world of silence! It was increasingly tiring to strain my eyes to constantly focus on the lips of others. I began to spend most of my waking hours reading books which I enjoyed thoroughly. How true when people say that reading maketh a full man. I began to feel more confident and understanding of people and the world around me. Reading matured me beyond my years.

Every morning when I hear the birds singing, gratitude fills my heart. I see God in the chirping of the little creatures. Their chirping is like music to my once deaf ears!

Gan Chau