Much Ado About Surnames!

When I was teaching in Anglo Chinese School (Independent), I was somewhat surprised by the very formal way that the students addressed the teachers. They had to call the male teachers, "Sir" and the lady teachers, "Madam".

I asked my colleagues why this was so, as in River Valley High School, the students addressed the teachers by their surnames eg. Mr. Tan, Ms. Khoo, etc. My colleagues told me that the school did not want any student to make fun of their teachers' names.

Suddenly I recalled that when I was a student in Convent Green Lane, Penang, my classmates and I were just as cheeky! We poked fun at teachers we were not particularly fond of. There was a teacher called Miss Ng. Behind her back, we would mention her name with half bended knees as if getting ready for excretion! Some students would pronounce and drag her name as if to sound like someone constipating! There was another teacher called Mr. Boh Pian. When students did something not quite right or which were connived, they would act innocent and declare, "Boh pian ah" (in Hokkien - can't be helped).

Once someone found out that a new trainee teacher was called Monica. Soon she became known as "Monica Ch'ng." (in Hokkien - touch your buttocks). Kids can sometimes be somewhat cruel in their zest for fun and amusement!

In Primary Four there was this teacher called Miss Lee. Whenever she called my name, she would pout her lips quite prominently when she said, "Choo Choo." Once I was quite upset with her for punishing me unjustly, and I told my classmates to watch her lips when she called my name. My classmates burst out laughing, and Miss Lee was annoyed. "What's so funny?" she asked. We all kept quiet while fighting hard to restrain further laughter! Soon the students nicknamed her "Miss Piggy".

During my visit to Brussels for Kam Ning's concert, I was introduced to this wonderful, interesting and fun-loving gentleman called Mr. Poot. What an unusual surname! I decided to call him Mr. Flatulant, but of course, only for Ning's ears.!

When I first applied to join the Institute of Education for my teacher training diploma, there was this Caucasian officer at the Ministry of Education. I was quite exasperated with his tardiness and once I asked him, "Mr. Goodenough, are you good enough for your job?" Gosh! What audacity.! It was certainly not nice of me to say that!

Once, I turned down a potential suitor by the surname of "Choo". Now I put Choo2 (Choo to the power of 2) when I put my name in short form. Gosh! If I end up with a Mr. Choo, I would become Choo3 (Choo to the power of 3). Then indeed, I will become a real Choo Choo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo Train!!

We cannot choose or alter our surnames, but we can be more meticulous in the choice of our children's names. Let our children's names be like music to their ears!

Gan Chau